Erina Tan is a 30 years old Chinese-Indonesian teacher working at SPH KV. She teaches Mandarin and is head of the Mandarin department at the school. Despite her ethnicity, she was raised in Singapore, and still carries many of her experiences and memorabilia from the country.
How is your relationship between you and your grandparents?:
"I didn't know my grandparents from my father's side because they passed away before I was born. I knew my grandparents from my mother's side. I still know them today, and we're always glad to meet each other again."
What is your favorite memory of you with your grandparents?:
"I remember my grandmother used to make paper play-things like origami so me and my siblings could play with them. My grandfather was very nice; although my mother would talk about he would sometimes get angry at my uncle, I never saw him angry in person. He used to garden, and my siblings and I would play near his fields."
Do you often meet your grandparents?:
"Well it's rather complicated. My grandfather lives with my family, but my grandmother lives with my uncle. It isn't because they're divorced, but my grandmother has always been very traditional, and believes she should live with her son. My grandfather, however, is more modern, and is not opposed to staying with my family. I see my grandfather every day, and my grandmother relatively often."
What is your relationship with your parents?:
"My relationship with my parents? I think it's okay, in that sense that our relationship is good. Believe it or not, in my family I'm considered to be the 'naughtiest' child in my family. For example, whenever my parents ask me to do something, I'd rather ask them questions about why they want to do it rather than doing what they want me to do. But aside from that, I think we're pretty close."
Are you aware a lot of grandparents/elderly people in other countries are not treated well?:
"Yeah I've heard it."
What do you think about the way Western grandparents/elders are treated in other countries?:
"I myself think they definitely should be treated better, with more people looking after them and caring for them. Especially when people's parents become elders. After all, these people were the ones who raised you. They took care of you when you were younger, and it would only be fair to return the favor."
Why do you think grandparents/elders are treated that way in those countries?:
"I think it's mainly got to do with that their cultures are. Asian culture has always had a big emphasis on the community and family ties. Western culture, on the other hand, is much more individualistic, and focus a lot more on themselves. Although I don't really agree with the way they're treated, I can't really blame them for it."
If you had the power to change this, what would you do?:
“One thing I could do? Okay. I would emphasize family ties. But not all countries in Western culture are like that. A decent amount of Western countries already take care of their elderly, as there already is that sort of family bond. However, I still do think it would be quite beneficial to something like that for the countries.”
What advice would you give people who have bad relationships with their grandparents/elders?:
“First, you need to know what the cause is. If it’s about communication, fix the way you communicate. If it’s about the way you think, try and find a middle ground. You don’t always have to agree. The truth is most elderly people are lonely. Be there for them, even if you don’t talk a lot with each other. The point is, treat them like your kids. Even if they’re annoying, or they bother you, brush that aside. Make them know you’re there for them, and care for them unconditionally.”
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